


Weird and Wonderful

by Ingotcrafter



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: BillDip, Gravity Falls - Freeform, Human bill, M/M, Magic, Mystery Shack, Mythology - Freeform, One Year Later, Original Character(s), Siblings, Slightly violent, more tags to come, weirdmagedon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 10:44:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6151045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingotcrafter/pseuds/Ingotcrafter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twins Dipper and Mabel Pines return to spend the summer at Gravity Falls one year after their last vist. They weren’t expecting normal, but were hardly prepaired for the return of the now human dream demon Bill Cipher and the aperance of his estranged twin sister who had brought him back to life. The family is divided about how to deal with the situation, while Bill must learn to deal with his new body and human emotions while attempting to protect himself from his sister, who just might be more dangerous than he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Patience and Timing

When it comes down to it, the most important steps to success are patience and timing; at least that's what she's come to understand. There are other things like planning and preparation that go into it, but patience and timing are the main points.  
Often people mistake timing for the more difficult to master, however time is a science that can be tamed through study. She understood time in all of its madness, perhaps because she had so much of it; more than enough to figure out when what pawns needed to be where and how many errors had to be accounted for. Patience, however, is not a science, it is an art, an art which does not lend itself to her nature very easily. But even that, over time, was a skill that she developed and perfected, not that she had much choice; when trapped in a situation such as her's one has nothing to do but work to develop the skills that will lead to escape.  
She eventually gained the skills that would have allowed her to recapture her freedom, but had also learned the virtues that she now considers her most valuable assets: patience and timing.  
It took patience to remain vigilant until the day her brother called for her help, and timing to have everything she needed when he did.  
This was why she was walking through the forest of a strange Oregon town with a thirteen year old boy in tow: she was looking for her brother.  
The boy didn't know what was happening, only that his family had told him to follow her. He didn't know that he was in a place called Gravity Falls, or that the reaches of his existence was so short lived as to be ended that day, or that this had been timed perfectly to fall on the honeymoon of Gravity Falls' only two police officers and exactly five days before the only people with the power to stop this were due back in town, or that she had been patiently waiting for her brother to sink low enough to ask for her help so that she could enjoy both having him back in her life and punishing him for what he did to her, or that she had lived in this body for centuries, but had been alive for millennia, or that they were looking for a statue. The boy knew none of this.  
The statue was well hidden, and looked far older than it should have, but it had been a year and she highly doubted that anyone had cared for it.  
"This is it," she said to the boy, who hadn't known they were looking for anything.  
The statue made him uneasy for reasons he couldn't explain. Perhaps it was the way the single eye seemed to fixate on him, starring at him, following his movements, silently demanding that he meet its gaze. The boy didn't recognize or understand the statue, but he stepped towards it, unconsciously giving in to whatever was pulling him closer.  
"I want you to know," she said from behind him. "That this is not your fault. You were only chosen because it was convenient for me; you've done nothing wrong and this is not a punishment."  
The boy didn't respond, he just starred at the statue, not knowing that something was starring back.  
"I don't know if that's any consolation, knowing that this doesn't have anything to do with you," her hands were tight around his neck, but he didn't break his gaze from the statue. "But if it helps, the fact that your involvement was completely random doesn't mean that what's happening is meaningless. If nothing else you can say that you died for something important," the boy was no longer looking at the statue, the boy was no longer doing anything; he had suffocated. "You died so I could save my brother, thank you." The boy couldn't hear her.  
She glanced at the sky; almost midnight. Timing was important, she could not spare a moment of silence for the boy; moments were precious and she had work to do.  
Steps had to be taken to ensure that he wouldn't cause more trouble than he was worth, steps that would bind him the same way he bound her. He was her family, but that made her neither blind or an idiot; he was mischievous, power hungry, and not to be trusted. Above all else he was dangerous. She knew that she could not destroy his power, but she could take it, put it in her control; it was just a matter of a few well placed spells.  
The boy, who was no longer there in any spiritual sense, had to be prepared. She had only minutes left, but it wouldn't take long, she had planned for this. She bound the boy in chains and then attached them to herself. The chains then glowed blue and immediately disappeared. Then she took out a vile, which had earlier been filled with her blood and unicorn hair (don't ask where she got it), and poured the contents into the boy's mouth. The effect of this was less evident, but she knew it had worked.  
Only one preparation remained: the cuff. It was made of old, worn leather and was engraved with a prophecy, his prophecy. This was her fail safe; if she could not control him then the world would be in grave danger. This cuff links him to the people who could stop him; as long as he wears this he cannot hide from them. She snapped it into place on the boy's wrist, knowing it would never come off.  
She glanced at the sky again; midnight. It was time. She took the boy's hand and placed it in that of the statue.  
"Niaga edit uoy evah lliw dekovni uoy rewop tneihca eht, niap ruoy dna gninrub ruoy draeh sah L T O L O X," she said, before she began chanting the spell to summon him.  
The boy began to glow, just around the tips of his fingers and the corners of his eyes. She knew that it would take hours, even days, for the spell to be complete and for her brother to wake up, but she was not worried. When it comes down to it the most important steps to success are patience and timing, which she has in spades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBIZLKB YXZH


	2. Mistake

As he gained his conciseness and his mind began to clear he became more and more certain of one thing:  
Pain was no longer funny. He then became aware that he shouldn't have been able to feel pain, or lose conciseness in the first place, and as those thoughts started to dawn on him he began to realize that the way he was feeling was not right at all. He was cold for one thing, and his neck was sore. This was strange because he existed in a dimension outside of the influence of temperature and he didn't have a neck. At least he shouldn't. Another thing he shouldn't have had was multiple eyes, yet he had two of them and they were fluttering open.  
His two eyes were greeted with the site of the morning sun and tree tops being rustled by small animals.  
"Morning, Billy." The sound rang in his ears. Also, he had ears; those were new. Despite its fuzziness he also had a mind, a mind which recognized that only one person had ever called him "Billy."  
It was beginning to dawn on him that he might have made a mistake.  
"What…" he trailed off, distracted by the fact that he had a mouth.  
"Happened?" Shy offered. "You died, Billy."  
He vaguely remembered dying, but it hurt to think about it, which served as a reminder that pain was no longer funny.  
"But that doesn't matter now," she continued. "Because, as you've noticed, you're no longer dead."  
He didn't respond, so she took it as an invitation to keep talking.  
"So you've probably noticed some changes, don't worry, you'll get used to it soon enough. It's going to take you a while to be up and moving, what with you just being resurrected and your new body just being reanimated."  
"New body?" He muttered, his voice coming out horse.  
"Well the old one was kaput, completely unsalvageable. Probably; I didn't really check." She laughed at this and his understanding of the situation grew.  
"I have to say I wasn't surprised to hear from you, I've been telling you for eons that your plan wouldn't work; lucky you had me to fall back on, right little brother?"  
He couldn't see her, but he could tell that she was there, dancing along the edge of his field of vision.  
"I suppose we'll have to find a home somewhere in the area; traveling would be difficult while you're still so young." He was becoming more and more alert about the fact that she was moving closer. He felt a hand resting on the head that he now had, ruffling his hair.  
"It's good to see you again, Billy, things will be better now."  
She stepped into his view; she had red hair and an angular face with a long nose, gold rimmed black eyes, and a sickly pale complexion which was highlighted by her crimson lips. She dressed like a business woman, but did not seem out of place in the wilderness.  
"Welcome home." She said with a particularly unwelcoming grin.  
He had definitely made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X PFYIFKD OFSXIOV IBCQ ZXOKXDB FK QEBFO TXKB, OBRKFQFKD TFQE EFP PFPQBO TXP PROIV X JFPQXHB.


	3. Jet Lag

She decided that his body’d had enough time to recover from its recent strangling and reanimation. She grabbed him by the arm and tugged him into a sitting position. His head whirred and swam, slow to adjust.  
“I can tell you from experience how hard it is to get used to a new body; you have to relearn everything. Just hope that yours has a better immune system than mine, although modern medicine does make getting over things like the plague much easier; leeches are not pleasant.”  
He felt dizzy, weak, and very vulnerable.  
“Here, drink this,” she said, handing him a flask. He looked at it doubtfully and she rolled her eyes.  
“It’s water, paranoid, I just brought you back to life what would I try and kill you for?”  
He took the flask and drank, the water relieving the dryness that he had not been able to identify the cause of.  
“You might have a little jet lag; you’re a year behind.”  
He choked on his water.  
“A year?” He asked, his voice still hoarse.  
“Yes, a year.” She said, happy that he was talking.  
“Why did you wait so long?” He demanded.  
She arched an eyebrow at his tone, but let it pass for the time being.  
“Timing is important; demon resurrection isn’t something that can be done haphazardly, there are rules. Besides, the lack of subtlety you displayed last summer left the whole town on alert, I had to wait for things to simmer down.”  
“We’re still in Gravity Falls?” He asked.  
“Yes, and we will be for quite a while,” she said. He ground his teeth; the events of last year had somewhat diminished the endearment he felt for the place. “Be patient, your journey here is not yet complete, and I have a feeling mine is just beginning.”  
He glared at the ground and reached up to rub his neck. He winced and pulled his hand away before gently bringing it back to prod at the tender flesh. It throbbed and he pulled his hand away again.  
“What happened?” He asked her.  
“You needed an new host,” She said with a shrug. “I figured you’d prefer a fresh one.”  
She leaned down to examine his neck. Ugly purple bruises were starting to form.  
“We’ll have to put you in sweaters or something until the bruises fade.” She said.  
“You couldn’t have tried something less messy, like poison?” He asked irritably.  
“Poison would have interfered with the other spells.” She said through pursed lips, she would really have to teach him to mind his tone.  
“What other spells?” He asked, suddenly alert.  
She smirked. “Well the fact that you didn’t sense them is a good indication that they worked.”  
“What did you do to me?” He growled.  
“I prevented you from causing any more trouble.”  
“I should never have called for you, it was a mistake.”  
“No, your mistake was being so sloppy that you had to default to your last resort. Regardless, there’s nothing you can do about it now, you invoked the ancient power and invited me back into your life, and this time I’m here to stay.”  
“I’ll find a way out of this,” he promised. “The ancient power only extended a bridge, it doesn’t bind us forever.”  
“No,” she agreed. “But being twins does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IBXZEBP XOB KLQ MIBXPBKQ


	4. Nerve

“Come on, get up,” she said. “We have to get going, they’ll be arriving soon.”  
“Who?” Said Bill, who had spent the last few minutes ignoring his sister and trying to pry the leather cuff off of his wrist.  
“Some old friends of yours.” She said.  
“Do you always have to be so cryptic?” He asked.  
“I wouldn’t seem cryptic if you used your head every once and awhile.”  
He huffed. Did she always have to act so condescending and self important?  
“Quickly,” she said, looking up at the sky. “They’re going to get there before us, but the longer we wait to get going the longer it’ll take for us to get settled in.”  
“You still seem to be under the impression that I’ll be staying with you.”  
“You still seem to be deluding yourself into thinking you have a choice.”  
She began walking and he considered going the opposite direction, but she was right: he had no choice. His legs were wobbly at first, but he quickly found his stride.  
“Where are we going?” He asked after awhile.  
“To see your old friends, I already told you.”  
He growled.  
“We’re going to the Mystery Shack,” she admitted. “The Pines family is returning there today and they need to be informed of your return.”  
Bill stopped.  
“No,” he said. “I’m not going there.”  
“Yes,” she said. “You are.”  
“They’ll kill me.” He said.  
“They can’t.” She replied.  
“That didn’t stop them last time.”  
She sneered, vulnerability and fear were new looks for her brother, and they didn’t suit him.  
“Don’t you look at me like that! They’ll kill me and then they’ll kill you so I’ll have no way to come back!”  
“Funny, you used to love taking risks.” She said, trying not to let it show that he was testing her patience.  
“That was when I power, and resources, and a body that was good for more than making carbon for the trees!” Bill snapped.  
“Oh, please! A year ago those losses would have been minor set backs to you,” She said, glaring down at him. “The only thing you’ve lost since then with any semblance of importance is your nerve!”  
“What was that?” He demanded.  
“Oh, my bad, apparently you’ve lost your hearing as well; what I said was you’ve lost your nerve! The Bill I knew would have sauntered into the Mystery Shake as soon as he woke up to greet the Pines’ with a promise to make them rue the day they crossed him, powers or not! I could tell from the moment you opened your eyes that they’d gotten to you; you let go of everything that made you feared and respected and amazing all because you were tricked by two old geezers and a pair of twelve year olds!”  
They were shouting now, why did it always have to escalate to shouting?  
“How dare you!” Yelled Bill. “I have just as much nerve as I did the day I brought this town to its knees!”  
“Of course! You must be made of nothing but nerve to be running scared from a pair of senior citizens and their teenaged lackies!”  
He glared at her, his eyes full of anger and defiance.  
“Scared? I am Bill Cipher, I have driven countless men to the edges of insanity, I have conquered realms and destroyed civilizations for fun. I am not now, nor have I ever been scared of anything.” His voice was deadly quiet, as if he was daring any creature that could hear him to claim he was lying.  
She leaned her face close to his so they were at eye level.  
“Prove it.”  
He hated how easily she could manipulate him.  
“Which way to the Mystery Shack?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TEBK VLR PMBKA ZBKQROFBP DOLTFKG RM TFQE PLJBLKB VLR IBXOK TEFZE YRQQLKP QL MRPE.


	5. Matchmaking Ninja

They could hardly contain their excitement. Dipper and Mabel had been looking forward to this day from the minute they left last summer. Piedmont was great and all, but Gravity Falls was home. It was everything the twins loved; adventure, mystery, friendship, and family, and today was the day they were going back.  
Soos had already agreed to house them for the summer, they’d be reclaiming the attic space and their Grunkles would be taking one of the newly added guestrooms.  
They knew it wouldn’t be exactly the same Gravity Falls they left, but they weren’t the same people who first came there either. Dipper was still a sweaty awkward nerd, but he’d realized that he didn’t need to try so hard to fit in, although there were still some things he was self conscious about. He still wore a hat everyday but it was more out of habit than an attempt to hide his birthmark. He had also upgraded to normal length pants during the cooler months, but now that summer had rolled back around he would probably switch back to shorts. He’d had a significant growth spurt and was now a few inches taller than his sister, who was not in the least pleased about this.  
Mabel was still Mabel in all of her homemade-sweater-boy-band-obsessed-fun-loving-glitter-sticker glory, but she had grown up a bit (not too much.) She’d come into her own at school, primarily in communications, she was the top of her public speaking class. She made friends easily just as she always did, but none close enough to replace Grenda and Candy as her besties. She had expanded her knitting prowess to include hats, the majority of which she donated to Dipper’s now abundant collection.  
She had also abandoned her mission to find herself romance from last summer in exchange for a more difficult and deadly quest: finding romance for her brother. She was going to put every bit of energy she could spare into finding Dipper’s soulmate. Of course she hadn’t told Dipper about this, she figured it would make for a nice surprise; and that is absolutely the only reason she didn’t tell him. Definitely.  
It’s not like she didn’t have a good reason for doing this; she was worried about her brother because of a conversation they’d had around Valentine's day, and she was determined to help him.  
They’d been closer than ever since last summer and it wasn’t entirely unusual for their casual conversations to turn into deep, stay up all night heart-to-hearts, so it wasn’t completely strange that when Mabel asked Dipper if their was anyone he was interested in he ended up telling her that he’d been questioning some stuff about himself.  
He’d said that lately he wasn’t sure about what type of people he was attracted to. Mabel had said that she thought he was into cool redhead girls, flicking Wendy’s hat for good measure. Dipper had chuckled nervously before elaborating that he wasn’t sure he was only into girls.  
She could tell that was hard for him to say, and probably not something he would have admitted to anyone but her; she was flattered that he trusted her so much. She called upon her sisterly powers of comfort to assure him that whatever he was into was chill, and she might even know a few guys who’d be interested, but he cut her off, saying that he wasn’t even sure yet, and exploding into a rant about how he hates not knowing, and how the more he thinks about it the more complicated it gets, and how he wishes this was like his mysteries or codes where there was a definite answer, and how he felt trapped by himself, and how he was worried about making himself a target at school, and how he still felt attracted to girls which made it all more confusing, and how he didn’t think it was possible to feel this frustrated, and how he just wanted it to go away.  
Dipper had always been a bit of a touch-me-not, but Mabel had figured that this was the time for an exception. She’d hugged him and told him that he shouldn’t bottle that kinda stuff up; it leads to angst bubbles which were notorious for popping easily.  
Dipper had laughed and hugged her back (pats and all,) thanking her. She’d said that if he ever needed to talk she would be there. He thanked her again and said that he just wished there was someway he could know for sure.  
That’s why Mabel was on a matchmaking mission this summer; she figured that the best way for Dipper to get to the bottom of this was to play the field, something she knew he would psych himself out about if left to his own devices. So she was going to throw every guy and gal she could find at him in the hopes that he’d get some answers. When he caught on to what she was doing he’d probably kill her, so she’d have to be sneaky, a matchmaking ninja. This was gonna be great.  
Waddles was also excited about returning to Gravity Falls, at least he would be if he knew what was happening. Their parents had not been pleased when they showed up with a pig, and even less so when Mabel had insisted he was house trained at the same time Waddles was snacking on their couch, but there were few people who could resist Mabel’s puppy dog eyes, so he had been allowed to stay.  
And now the three of them were going back to where they belonged, Dipper and Mabel were chatting happily about seeing their family and friends and all the towns folk. They had with them a wedding present for Blubs and Derland, a sort of apology for not being able to make it to their big day. Their Grunkles had gone and it had apparently been quite the event, Quentin Trembly had returned to serve as the minister, Manly Dan had thrown out his hip while dancing at the reception, and Pool-Check had been the flower girl. All in all it sounded like exactly what you would expect a traditional Gravity Falls wedding to be.  
And speaking of weddings, Mabel was looking forward to helping plan Soos and Melody’s. They were still in the planning stages, but they had already asked Dipper and Mabel to be the ring bearer and flower girl. Soos had also asked Stan to give him away at the ceremony, but settled for him being the best man once it was explained to him that that’s not how weddings work. Stan claimed to be dreading the event, but everyone knew that meant he was flattered and glad to be a part of it.  
Melody was still relatively new in town and hadn’t spent much time away from the shack, so she had asked Wendy to be her maid of honor. The two of them had bonded a lot working at the shack together, and though she didn’t say it Wendy thought it made a nice change to have new female role model in her life, even if Melody was more sisterly than motherly. They hadn’t set a date yet, but they were hoping to be married before the end of the summer, and Mabel was eager to lend her decorating and party planning expertise to the cause.  
They twins were both thinking that this was going to be a smooth going and nearly care free summer, though if nothing else they were willing to settle for apocalypse-free.  
The bus was pulling into the station where Stan and Ford would be waiting to pick them up. They both pressed their noses up against the window as the vehicle slowed to a stop; they were home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELJB XDXFK, ELJB XDXFK


	6. The Society of Near Giants

Stan and Ford were waiting for them. The past year has been easily the happiest of both of their adult lives and seeing their niece and nephew would make it perfect. Of course the start of their adventure hadn’t been smooth sailing, so to speak; they had both held on to a lot of hurt for a long time, that’s not something that could just be healed in a moment. But they were trying, they had both been ready to let go of that hurt and get back to where they had been. They were okay now, and even when they weren’t they knew they would be.  
They’d had many adventures throughout their travels, which they were eager to tell Dipper and Mabel all about, and they were by no means done. This summer would be a sort of break, a chance to spend time with their family and for Ford to continue his research on Gravity Falls for a while.  
The moment the bus stopped moving the kids were rushing out to greet their Grunkles. There were many awkward-but-not-really family hugs and how’ve-you-been’s and it’s-great-to-see-you’s and I’ve-missed-you’s before they loaded their trunks into the back of the Stanley mobile and started their drive to the Mystery Shack.  
“So, Dipper,” said Ford, happy to have his fellow nerd to talk to again. “How’s school been treating you? Any good mysteries to solve?”  
“No, not much,” Dipper half-lied. “There was this lunch lady who I was pretty sure was a gorgon, though.”  
“Ugh, Dipper, for the last time, she was just a normal lunch lady!” Said Mabel, jokingly re-opening the old arguement.  
“Why did she always wear that hair net?”  
“Because she had to, all the lunch ladies do.”  
“What about the dude she turned to stone?”  
“That was a statue of the school’s founder, it’s always been stone!”  
“Well what about the hissing?”  
“That’s… was… whoa, now that you mention it, that was pretty weird.” Said Mabel, eyes alighting with suspicion.  
“Ha-ha, told you.”  
“That doesn’t prove anything!” Mabel said with a playful shove.  
“Quite right Mabel,” said Ford. “But if you were to confront her with a mirror, you might be able to-”  
“Now don’t go telling the kids to harass their cafeteria ladies because they might be horrifying, soul-eating monsters,” interjected Stan. “Tell them to do it because lunch ladies are a bunch of jerks who are too stingy with the mashed potatoes!”  
“You really are never going to let that go, are you?”  
“Hey, I told that broad I’d resent her until the day I died, I’m a man of my word.”  
“You need help.” Chuckled Ford, a statement his brother just shrugged off, honking and shouting at the driver who had cut him off (totally had the right of way.)  
“So, what’s the first thing you kids wanna do after we get settled in?” Stan asked, turning the car sharply and sending its occupants flying.  
“I’m gonna head straight over to see Candy and Grenda and catch up with my girlfriends! It’s gonna be great!” Shouted Mabel.  
“I’m gonna go check up on all my old favorite spots; the roof, the arcade, the clearing in the woods-”  
“Actually, Dipper, I was hoping you’d accompany me to the stationary store,” said Ford. “You see, since the journals were destroyed last summer I’ve been meaning to start making an updated version: new mysteries, new monsters, all of that. But after reading the editions you made to the originals it didn’t feel right to start this project without you.”  
“Seriously?” Dipper asked, awestruck.  
“So what do you say, will you help an old man out?”  
“Of course!” Shouted Dipper.  
As the two dove into a long, nerdy discussion, Mabel began to wonder about how this would affect her summer mission; it’d be hard to get Dipper to focus on romance with him stuck in a lab all summer. She’d have to find a way to lure him out every once and a while to be thrown at her latest (victims) finds. She began scheming quietly.  
By the time they pulled up to the Mystery Shack they were all in high spirits, and completely unaware of how short lived this cheerfulness would be.  
“Dudes!” Called out Soos from the front porch of the Shack, rushing over to sweep them all up into a bear hug. He welcomed them all inside to the gift shop, where they were greeted by Melody, Soos’s abolita, and, of course, Wendy.  
She was still wearing Dipper’s hat, but other than that she looked just like she always had; Beautiful, relaxed, and completely, devastatingly cool. Nice to know that somethings in Gravity Falls hadn’t changed. She looked at Dipper without saying anything for a moment.  
“Dude, you got tall,” she said, holding up her hand to compare their heights; he was almost to her shoulder now. “You must have grown half a foot.”  
“Nearly,” he said, pleased that she’d noticed (though it would have been hard not to.)  
“We should totally form our own brotherhood for tall people,” she said. “We could call it the Society of Near Giants, or something, and we’ll have meetings where we grab things from top shelfs and look down on all the short people.”  
“Literally!” Dipper replied. The two cracked up at their own lame jokes.  
“Dude, I missed you so much!” Wendy exclaimed, realizing that she had even more then she knew.  
“Me too, I’ve had no one to mock people with back at Piedmont. Every time someone does something stupid I have to bottle up my snide comments.”  
“Oh man, that’s rough, snide doesn’t have a good shelf life. I had to start unloading mine on Tambry, who’s always too busy texting Robbie to notice.”  
Before Dipper could respond Wendy was side-glomped by Mabel, who had just a moment ago been spazzing out to Melody and Soos about the wedding (Melody and her lack of experience with Mabel’s unique brand of enthusiasm had found this a tad overwhelming, but had bore her mild alarm with politeness.)  
“Hey Wendy, it’s great to see you!” shouted Mabel.  
“Ha-ha, hey Mabs, what’s up?” Asked Wendy.  
“Oh nothing, same as always.” Something about Mabel’s tone said I’ll tell you later; perhaps it was the way she whispered “I’ll tell you later,” very audibly under her breath with a not-at-all-suspicious wink. She rushed to change the subject before her twin could question it.  
“Hey, I heard you guys talking about forming a secret tall people club and I’m here to tell you i forbid it! I refuse to be excluded from any secret club activities because of my height. Besides, I’m pretty sure that the only reason Dip has gotten so tall is because your hat gave him some weird magical tallness virus.” She shot an accusing glance at Wendy, who could only chuckle at Mabel’s strangeness, which she had so missed.  
“Well how’s this,” she said, picking the hats off her and Dipper’s heads and returning them to their original owners.  
“This way they can, like, absorbe our respective atmospheres and retain their keepsakeyness for longer after the summer ends.”  
“Like a forget-me-not recharge, for long lasting remembrance durability!” Squealed Mabel. “Plus they’ll start to smell like you guys again, and the first thing you forget about someone is their smell.”  
“Their voice Mabel.” Dipper corrected as he chuckled at his sister’s strangeness, which he would never grow tired of.  
“Well, well, Pinetree, don’t you just have all the answers.”  
Perhaps Dipper was wrong, maybe the first thing you forgot about someone wasn’t their voice. Or maybe he was simply incapable of forgetting this voice.  
“Bill.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLO ILKD IXPQFKD OBJBJYBOXKZB AROXYFIFQV!


	7. Family Ties

They all whipped around at the sound of his voice, expecting to be confronted with the triangular demon they had just barely defeated last summer, but were instead met with the sight of a thin, blond boy, not much older than the twins, and a tall redheaded woman behind him. To say that her hair was red is somewhat misleading, Wendy’s hair was red, this woman’s was crimson like blood; however they were more focused on the boy.  
He had a thin, bony body and a pale complexion spattered with golden freckles. He had a shaggy mop of untidy blond hair which framed his angular face. He looked rather impish, though perhaps this was due to the slightly crooked and psychotically menacing grin that played on his lips more so than his actual features. His eyes were impossibly dark black and rimmed in gold, his nose was long and narrow, and there were angry purple bruises around his neck. He was human, yet there was no doubt: this boy was Bill Cipher.  
“What, no hello? No how’ve you been? Honestly it’s almost like you didn’t miss me!”  
They were all too stunned to speak.  
“Kids? Are you gonna come up to unpack or-”  
Stan, Ford, and Soos re-entered the room, back from taking the suitcases upstairs. They immediately sensed the tension.  
“Children, who is this?” Ford asked.  
“Oh, now you don’t recognize me, Sixer? And to think I thought I meant something to you.” Bill pouted in mock hurt.  
“Cipher!” Grunkle Stan growled.  
“Well hello, Stanley.” The menacing grin had returned, if not intensified.  
The crimson haired woman sighed and rolled her eyes, glancing at the sky through the window.  
“Not to break up this little family reunion, but we are on a schedule. Keeping that in mind we can skip the standard how can you be back? Bantar; I reanimated him (and still haven’t received a thank you, might I add.)” She aimed the last part at Bill, who just sighed dramatically about having his thunder stolen.  
“Who are you?” Ford asked.  
Brief flashes of surprise and something resembling hurt passed across the woman’s face before she regained her composure.  
“Right, I suppose he wouldn’t have told you about me,” her tone bore distant traces of resentment. “My name is Venus, I’m Billy’s sister.”  
“Sister?” They all asked.  
“Billy?” Mabel's voice trailed behind.  
Eyes flickered to Bill for confirmation, the former demon’s expression was one of distaste.  
“Yes, twin actually.” He grumbled.  
“Again, I’m not surprised he didn’t mention me, for the past couple hundred years or so he’s taken to the nasty habit of denying my existence and renouncing our family ties.” She laughed like they were sharing vaguely amusing small talk at a business meeting. “He can be a real heathen like that sometimes.”  
She reached out and pat Bill’s head, a gesture that's imitation of affection was spoiled by the way he flinched and the excessive force she put into the action.  
“But I’m getting off topic, this was only going to be a quick briefing on the important information, we can always round out the details later if you care to arrange a formal meeting; though I warn you that it might take some time to fit it into my schedule. Things are going to be pretty busy soon, but I digress. Now where did I put…” She trailed off as she began rummaging through the pockets of her suit jacket. The Pines family stood there in stunned silence, all too dumbfounded to speak up.  
It was now Bill’s turn to look impatient as Venus continued to dig around, occasionally pulling out some strange object or other that shouldn’t have fit in such small pockets, muttering to herself all the while.  
“I see that our time apart hasn’t been long enough for you to get organized.” He said.  
“Oh hush, I have a system,” She said as she pulled a human finger from her pocket. “No, that’s not it.” She tossed it over her shoulder and it scurried away behind one of the displays, leaving a thin smear of blood in its wake.  
“Ah, here it is,” she said excitedly, ignoring the slightly gruesome scene which transpired behind her and pulling out a packet of papers. “Just where I left it.”  
“I’m sure,” Bill muttered under his breath. Venus scowled and whacked him over the head with the papers.  
“Hey!”  
“As I was saying,” Venus drove on, ignoring Bill pointedly. “I wanted to give you a brief overview of our situation. As you now know, Billy is alive again, and there have been some obvious changes. Assuming his demon form was destroyed, I bound him to a body. In addition to this I’ve placed him under a hand full of spells that limit his powers and preserve his safety. You’ll notice the cuff on his wrist, it’s a binding spell that links him to every member of his zodiac circle, in case of emergency.” She glanced at the paper every so often, to make sure she was covering everything. “On a more domestic note, Billy and I will be staying in the area and I will be bringing my work into town with me, I’ll send you all the relevant information as soon as I have it. Of course Billy will be working here-”  
“What?” There were two speakers, Bill and Ford, both of whom had looks of horror and disgust on their faces. Venus looked up, slightly dazed by the disruption; she clearly wasn’t used to being interrupted.  
“I said Billy would be working here, at the shack.” She repeated.  
“No he won’t!” Ford cried indignantly.  
“I agree with I.Q.; no he won’t!” Bill added.  
“There’s no way I’m letting that maniac anywhere near the kids.”  
“Really, Venus, think of the children.”  
Venus closed her eyes briefly and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “patience” under her breath.  
“Well what do you propose we do then? Not you.” She added when Bill opened his mouth. Her voice was tight and her eyes were flickering to the window with an expression that said “We don’t have time for this.”  
“I don’t care what you do with him, he’s not our problem.”  
“Are you really naive enough to think that, Stanford? He’ll always be your problem, you’d have to be blind not to see that all of your fates are connected.” She gestured to everyone in the room. “But say you’re right and he’s not your problem, should I just send him off to some poor, unsuspecting caregiver everyday, or let him wander around on his own? Because if you think that’s a good idea you’re not just naive, you’re an idiot who’s willing to put innocent people in danger, all because you couldn’t be bothered to keep an eye on someone who poses little more threat to you than any other thirteen year old boy.”  
Bill had to admire (not unbegrudgingly) his sister’s ability to give anyone self doubt. The evidence of this power could be found in the slight hints of uncertainty flecked across Stanford’s face. Bill could practically see the wheels turning in his head, trying to find a way out of her argument. He wouldn’t find one, she had planted her seeds in his mind, and they had quickly taken root, branching their way out and poisoning the justification for disagreeing with her. Well, she was a corruption demon, poisoning the minds of rational men was something of a specialty of hers.  
Venus and Ford stared into each other’s eyes, the room was silent, but alive with nervous energy; the decision made here would affect them all, and it would not be up for debate.  
A smirk fixed itself on venus’ lips, her eyes, having detected some sign of weakness in her opponent invisible to the others, shone with victory.  
“She’s right,” Ford said, lowering his eyes. “Bill’s too dangerous to go unsupervised, even without his powers he’s cunning enough to trick anyone who doesn’t expect it. We have to take him in.”  
“Great, now that we’ve wasted five minutes on that, we can get back on track, where was I?” She traced her finger down the page. “Ah, yes, he can start on Monday, that’ll give us all time to move in and get unpacked. I’ll drop him off at seven and be back to pick him up at 6:45, I’ll leave a number for you to call if he causes any trouble. We’ll be moving in somewhere close by incase of emergency, not necessarily right next door, but within walking distance; I’ll give you the address Monday and I’ll also leave you my secretary's number incase you wanted to schedule that meeting to talk over some of the details with me, she’s a real peach but a bit hard of hearing, so you might have to repeat yourself a few times to get the point across.” Venus smiled fondly, it was the most genuine expression they had seen from her. “Anyways, I think that about covers it, we’d best be off. I’ll leave this with you.” She handed Ford her papers. “We’ll see you on Monday. Come on, Billy.”  
She turned and walked out the door, after a moment Bill followed her, aware that, as with everything in his life now, he had no choice. He tripped over his own feet as he left the building, and nearly fell flat on his face: he would have to work on getting more control over his human motor functions.  
The door swung shut on the two demons, and the Pines family was left to stand in shock for a few moments after their departure.  
“What just happened?” Mabel finally asked her brother.  
“I think Ford just hired a demon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TEBOB FP QEB CFKDBO KLT?


	8. Occultist Outlets

“Family meeting!” Called Ford.  
“Ah, dude, we’re all, like, right here.” Ford glared at Soos. “S-sorry, dude.”  
“Anyways, I think it’s clear that we need to talk about what’s going to happen over the next.. However long this lasts,” They all moved to the dining room table. “I didn’t really get much from the packet, just what she already told us and something about her plans to open a northwestern head quarters for something called Agrippa and Flamel here in town. I think it’s some kind of law firm. Apart from that we’re pretty much in the dark about the extent of the situation until I can arrange that meeting with Venus. In the meantime, however, I think our focus should be on re-Bill proofing the shack.”  
“I don’t get why you’re all so afraid of this Bill guy, I thought you said he was just a kid.” Said Melody.  
The Pines’ all stared at her for a second before turning to Soos.  
“So, the thing is, Melody doesn’t know what happened here last summer; I tried to tell her, but it turns out the police are very serious about enforcing Mayor Tyler’s “Nevermind All That” Act. I was in a coma for, like, two days from the taser shocks. Really made me confront my mortality, and stuff.” Soos melted into a far away stare, and they all figured that he had checked out of the conversation for a while.  
“... Right, well, in response to Melody’s question, Bill is not just a kid, he’s not even human. He’s a dream demon who laid waste to this town and nearly destroyed the world last summer. Would had succeeded, too, if it weren’t for my brother.” The pride in Ford’s voice was not masked in the slightest as he gave Melody a brief summary of Weirdmagedon.   
“Wow, all of that really happened?” She asked when he had finished.   
“Yeah dude,” said Soos, who had evidently clocked back into the present topic. “It was,like, intense.”  
“So you see why we have to protect the shack?” Said Ford.  
“Of course, I mean, even if what his sister said was true and he can’t use his powers, we wouldn’t want to risk another disaster of that size.”  
“Totally,” said Wendy. “So tell us what you need to do your magic-y whatever and we’ll get right on it.”  
“Yeah, just point me in the direction of the nearest unicorn and I’ll have some hair for you in less than an hour!” Offered Mabel.  
“I appreciate your enthusiasm Mabel, even if I do find your expression to be somewhat frightening, but I’m afraid we won’t be needing any unicorn hair this time.” Said Ford “That was for a spell to keep Bill out, but since he’s going to be inside the shack this time we’re going to have to get creative. Now we don’t yet know the extent of Bill’s abilities in his human form, so we can’t use anything too specific, anything made from scratch is out.”  
“But if we can't make the spells ourselves, where are we going to get them?”  
“ I'm glad you asked, Dipper, in order to find the necessary equipment to defend the shack and our lives, we’ll have to journey to one of the most twisted and dangerous places known to man.”

“ The mall?” Stan asked, as they pulled into the parking lot. “That's it, I'm callin’ it, you have officially lost all of your remaining marbles.”  
“ This isn't just any mall, Stanley, this is the Gravity Falls mall, and it just so happens to house three separate occult and magic supply outlets.”  
“Yeah, no offense man, but I don't think “Edgy on Purpose” really counts as a hotspot for mystical happenings.” Said Wendy's muffled voice from the overly crowded back seat.  
“Quite right, though not for its lack of trying.” Replied Ford. “Not to worry, though, I think you'll find that the supplies we gather will be quite sufficient to protect the shack.”   
They all stepped out of the car as Stan stole some old lady's parking spot.  
“Now here's the plan, we'll split up into groups of two-”  
“Dibs on Mr. Pines!” Soos said, grabbing Stan's arm.  
“Oh no, not with this again.” Groaned Stan.  
“Oh, oh, Dibs on Wendy!” Exclaimed Mabel, seizing the opportunity for the chance to confide her summer mission to Wendy.  
“ Alright, cool, girls club reunion!” said Wendy.   
“Okay, that leaves Dipper and I, we can stop at the stationery store on our way back.” Ford give everyone their instructions and list of useful items and they all split up.  
“Alright, Mabel, what did you need to talk about so bad?” Wendy asked as the pair made their way to Wicca for Less at the other end of the mall.  
“Weeeell, since you asked, I have a new summer mission that might require your expertise in the field of romance.” Mabel said coyly.   
“On the boy hunt again?” Wendy asked with a chuckle.  
“Yes but not for me.”  
“Not for you?” Wendy asked, her interest peaked. Mabel shook her head. “Who then?”  
Mabel beckoned her down to whispering level. “Dipper.”  
“ Dipper?” Wendy repeated.  
“Shh,” Mabel said looking around in alarm. “Yes for Dipper.” she said when she was certain that no one had heard them. She proceeded to fill Wendy in on the Valentine's conversation she’d had with her brother; omitting some of the more personal details.  
Wendy frowned after Mabel had finished,The story striking her on a deeper level than she’d care to admit.  
“So let me get this straight, um, so to speak, your plan is to throw any available person you come across, boy or girl, Dipper’s way in the hopes that by the end of the summer he’ll have everything on the romance front all figured out?” She asked as they entered the store and began their search.  
“Yep!” Mabel said cheerfully, the implications of Wendy's doubting tone going right over her head.  
“Are you sure that's a good idea dude? I mean, romance has never really been Dipper’s strong point, maybe he just needs to work out what's going on in his own way on his own terms.”  
“You weren't there Wendy,” said Mabel, looking at the ground. “You didn't see how crazy not knowing was driving him. When he does know I'll back off and let him deal, but right now what he needs is results.”  
“Okay,” Wendy said hesitantly. “But Dipper’s always got his best results by thinking.”  
“That's why he needs me, he thinks I do, and in order to do I need your help, are you in?”  
“... Yeah I'll help you, but only to make sure you don't go too overboard with this.” They shook on it, and continue to scan the shelves for protection amulets and defence talismans.

“So your big day’s coming up, your feet cold yet?” asked Stan.  
“Haha, not ever, Mr. Pines.” Replied Soos.  
The two of them were waiting to be served at Eye of Newt: Potion Brewery and Cafe. They stood out greatly from their fellow patrons, who seem to be a mix of tormented chaos worshippers and hipsters. So essentially... hipsters.  
“You say that now, but give it a few years and you'll see; marriage is one of humanity's worst achievements.”  
“How's that dude?”  
“Two people legally bound together for eternity? It's unnatural, not to mention suffocating.”  
“But... if it's true love…”  
“True love? I envy your optimism, Soos,” said Stan. “Love is just a sappy story we tell kids so they’ll think that their lives won't just be a never-ending sea of loneliness where they will eventually wither and die on their own.”  
Stan looked over and saw the horrified panic in Soos’ eyes.  
“But, umm, that's just one man's opinion, you know?” he said backtracking as quickly as possible. “And just because it doesn't always happen doesn't mean that it never does, right? Geez, Soos, what I meant was- what I'm trying to say is Melody seems like a great gal and... and I'm really happy for ya.”   
“... Thanks, Mr. Pines, that really means alot coming from you.” Replied Soos, seeming pacified for the moment.   
“Yeah well don't… don’t mention…” Stan blinked and looked around. “Where am I?”  
“Mr. Pines?” Soos said. “Are you okay?” Stan looked up at him.  
“Who are you?”  
“Stan?” Soos asked, sensing that the situation was serious. “What's wrong, it’s me, Soos!” Stan shook his head and rubbed his eyes.  
“...Soos, right sorry about that. My mind went blank for a moment there.” He said.  
“Are you sure you're all right, Mr. Pines?” Asked Soos doubtfully.  
“I'm fine, don't worry about it. I’m an old man, ya know, these things happen.” He didn't sound entirely convinced, but they both let the topic drop for the moment.  
“Greetings, weary travellers, and welcome to the cold catacombs of Eye of Newt,” Said board looking barista wearing a witch's hat. “Might I suggest a candy apple latte start off your order?”  
“Err, we’ll pass on that, could we just have a few…” Stan glanced at Ford’s list. “Soul shielding potions with... extra liquid sugar? And make those to go, would ya?”

“I can't believe we found all this stuff, I always thought everything in those stores were fake!” Said Dipper as he and Ford entered the stationery shop. He was carrying several bags from the store they had just left, the sign above which had said nothing but Do Not Speak the Name.   
“Well most of it is, the key to finding the real stuff is knowing where to look,” Replied Ford. He plucked a few jars of ink from the shelf, along with a pack of quills.  
“Do you use quills, Dipper?” He asked.   
“I prefer pens usually.”  
“All right then grab a few and be quick, we’re supposed to meet the others in fifteen minutes.” Ford moved through the store like he had memorized the entire layout of the place which Dipper wouldn't have put past him.  
“Ah, here we are,” said Ford as he reached the section where they kept the journals. He grabbed a few that had a similar color to his originals, muttering something about how he’d have to put the hand on them later. A set of blue journals caught his eye, he grabbed them and hid them when Dipper caught up to him with the pens.  
“Got everything?” he asked Ford.  
“Everything except the invisible ink, they keep that somewhere in the back.”  
“Great let's go get it.” said Dipper. The two begin to make their way to the back of the store.  
“ keeper I don't know if I thanked you yet for agreeing to help me write the new Journals, but I really am very grateful; especially now what with Bill being more or less back and this new information about his sister.”  
“Yeah, it's a bit much to take in, huh?” Dipper said. “Did you have any idea that she existed? Because I sure didn't.”  
“I didn't have a clue,” Ford said, sounding not at all okay with that fact.  
“Well do you really think we can trust her? I mean she did bring Bill back and all, which is bad, but she also put him in, like, the magical equivalent of restraints and then told us about it. I'm no expert in this kind of thing, but if I ever had to bring Mabel back from the dead I wouldn't tell whoever killed her about it first chance I got.”  
“It is pretty suspicious, you're right, but we can't be sure of what her motivations were yet, we'll have to study her more closely from now on. In the meantime I wouldn’t encourage any eagerness to make friends with her just yet. I can't quite describe it but looking at her I just got the feeling that... That she might be more dangerous than Bill, somehow.” Ford got lost in thought for a moment as they paid and left the store, before snapping back to the conversation at hand.  
“Dipper have one more thing to ask of you, and I understand completely if you refuse.”  
“What do you need Grunkle Ford?”  
“ I need you to stick close to Bill this summer. We need to find out the limits of his powers, if he has any left, but that's not information he's going to just give up; he's too smart for that. If I could do this myself I would, but he knows better than to think that I could still be fooled by his tricks, however he might just be arrogant enough to think that he could still pull the wool over your eyes, Dipper.I'm asking you to play along with whatever schemes he cooks up and try to get any information you can out of him. Make it seem like you're playing into his hand and within some luck we'll be able to pull the rug out from under him, can you handle that?”   
Dipper nodded determinedly.  
“Thank you,” Said Ford. “Oh, and I almost forgot, these are for you.” He pulled out the blue journals and handed them to Dipper.  
“ Most of our research will be going into the main Journals, but I've always found it very therapeutic to have a space to write out my thoughts. Maybe we could put a pine tree on it later, to mark it as yours.”  
“I… thank you.” Dipper said. Ford chuckled.  
“It's my pleasure, research partner,” heat punched Dipper on the shoulder lightly. “Now come on, let's go meet up with the others.”  
It had taken Dipper a few minutes to remember how to breathe after Ford had called him his research partner, even after all this time he could still get a little star struck. Nevertheless, as he began to reflect on what this summer would bring as they all drove home, he couldn't help feeling a bit anxious. He was thrilled to be helping Ford, but it wasn't going to be the most relaxing job, that coupled with the fact that he now had a specific mission to become buddies with an ex-demon, while he was dealing with a few inner demons of his own, plus all of the typical Gravity Falls weirdness that was sure to be thrown at them, not to mention the fact that he's going to have to deal with wedding planner Mabel (Which was a running higher on the crazy latter than regular party planner Mable.)  
He couldn't help but wonder what would happen come Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TFZZX CLO IBPP: PMBII ZXPQFKD LK X YRADBQ


	9. The Cipher Residence

413 Gopher Road. It was significantly smaller than either of their previous addresses, which were the darkest parts of the human subconscious and wherever work happened to take her respectively, however the fact of the matter was that this place was now the Cipher residence.  
Venus had spent much of the previous day on the phone, shouting instructions at what Bill assumed were movers of some kind. Bill on the other hand had spent most of his day doing what can be described in its most dignified and menacing form as pouting. He had planted himself in the backseat (having refused to sit up front next to Venus) of a very expensive-looking white car whose license plate read “BIG-BUZINESS.” It gave him a sort of malicious satisfaction to see just how well this car represented his sister; classy and elegant at first glance, but immature and materialistic upon closer examination. This had aligned perfectly with his previous observations of her and the way she always acted so baselessly be superior to him. Just because she had come into existence five seconds before him didn't mean that she was any more mature. This projection of pompous authority was sure to worsen now that he appeared to be so much younger than her physically. He had wondered if she picked such a young host just to spite him; he wouldn't have put it past her.  
She had told them that the house still needed some final touches, so they would be sleeping in the car that night. He had told her that was ridiculous, and had full plans to break into a rant about how she was always so needlessly nitpicky, but she had cut him off with the phrase  
“We will get the best, or we will choose nothing. Honestly Billy, your willingness to settle has always been one of your biggest problems.”  
Ah,yes, He has nearly willed himself to forget Venus’ charming tendency to list his biggest flaws. He knew from experience that any response he gave would lead to a pointless, time-wasting argument. Not that that's ever stopped him, but his neck was too sore for shouting match.  
So he laid down and pretended to sleep, partially because he didn't trust Venus enough to let his guard down completely and partially to avoid remembering the dark and oppressing emptiness representing all encompassing failure that has been his world for the past year.   
Venus hadn't even pretended to sleep, she stayed up tapping away at a laptop,the soft glow emitting from the screen and the gentle clacking of the keys had nearly lulled Bill’s susceptible human body into submission to its desire to sleep.  
Neither of them spoke, although they both knew that the other was awake. They could talk during the day when the light met with their bitterness and anger casting concealing shadows on their deeper more vulnerable feeling; but at night when the moon’s gentle reflective glow brought forth long past memories of meaningless chatter given meaning by it's private honesty and the unimportant importance of having someone to pass the time with on those nights when being alone and being lonely they must stay silent, for speaking of those memories or even recalling them with too much focus would stain them with the toxic rage and hurt that more recent memories emitted.   
This was their unspoken truce which sprang from the aftertaste of the bond which those memories incarnated, they would leave those memories untainted so long as it was understood that they remained in the past.  
Bill's eyes opened as the car began to move. The sun was rising, whisking away the moonlight as it swept along the treetops.  
“The house should be ready now,”Said Venus from the front seat. “I didn't want to, um, wake you.”  
Bill grunted in response, which Venus took as license to continue.  
“I have a business meeting today and a few phone calls to make, so you could feel free to explore the house while I’m busy.”  
“ Delightful.” Bill said. Venus let out an irritated huff at his sarcasm.  
“And what do you mean business meeting? What do you even do?” He caught sight of her small smirk in the side mirror.  
“I'm a board member at a very unique and prestigious law firm called Agrippa and Flamel.” He wasn't sure how he felt about the emphasis she put on the word unique, but he was more concerned about the way the two names felt familiar, particularly the first.  
“A lawyer, huh? Why am I not surprised?”  
“Well we can't all be wannabe supreme overlord's and failed World conquerors.”  
Okay, that stung. They were pulling up in front of a large white two story house with a dark grey tiled roof, a garage, and a path of polished stones leading up to the steps of the small raised porch and a black door.  
They got out of the car and made their way up the stairs. Bill gave his sister a sideways glance when he saw the silver number 413 screwed on the wall next to the door.   
“Really?” he asked.  
“Couldn't resist.” she said with a shrug. Bill just rolled his eyes and pushed the door open, feeling a slight chill as he did.   
The inside was just as polished and white at the outside; it opened into a small entryway with a closet on one side and an alcove on the other. Past that there was a large open space which had the living room off to the right and a sleek kitchen to the left. The couch was a black leather sectional with white cushions flanked by glass end tables with a matching coffee table in front of it; the bookshelves that line the far wall were also made of glass, and their contents provided the only color in the room as well as the only source of entertainment; there was no TV. Along the back wall there was a break which led into a hallway, this was the only thing that separated the living space from the kitchen space, which was very similar to the former in both color scheme and design. There was an island counter in the center of the kitchen with a few high-legged chairs surrounding it, the counters were all white with a black backsplash, the drawers were all dark stained and polished wood, and the appliances were all stainless steel.  
It was also modern, and chic, and organized, and classy. Bill hated it. It was like he had walked into his sister's brain (which he had done on a few rare occasions), everything looked to be well managed and respectable yet gave the impression of something unnatural and malicious. In a way his feelings about the place were symbolic of the fundamental differences between them; chaos and corruption. It was his nature to rebel against conventionality in all its forms, to defy the normality which plagued existence in exchange for something much more fun; a complete lack of control and sanity raging across multiple universes like wildfire. Venus on the other hand functioned by emulating the behaviors and agreed upon order of the people around her, and using the sense of security created by this imitation for her personal gain, by putting on a false face she gains power and convinces others to do her dirty work. he wasn't surprised that she’d become a lawyer.  
“Well, go have a look around. Your room is upstairs, and please put on something reasonable when you get the chance; with everything you’ve lost lately I’d hate for your sence dress to be one of them.”  
He saw her point, his nose scrunched in disgust as he glanced down at the atrocious outfit his host had been wearing. Still, he thought, if there was a silver lining to this situation it could be found in the fact that humans had far more fashion options, he decided to go raid his closet.  
As he passed through the no-man's land separating the living room from the kitchen he noticed a door that had been padlocked shut. He’d have to investigate further later, but for now he kept his focus on making the most of having a human form.  
After some stumbling and searching he found the stairs, which led to a sizable loft, which was unmistakably meant for him. If the black carpet and yellow drapes weren’t obvious enough the matching bedspread decorated in a large effigy of his old eye sent the message very clearly. He rolled both of his new eyes at how his sister could confuse his style with this tacky imitation, he just hoped that the clothes weren’t as uninspired and outlandish.  
He was pleasantly surprised to find out that they weren't. When he opened the closet he was met with the sight of multiple sets of slacks and shirt in his traditional colors, arranged by degrees of formality. On one side were dark jeans and yellow flannel which slowly progressed into dress pants and sweater vest and continued to Tuxedos of varying levels of extravagance. Hanging on the door was a hat rack holding a collection ranging from beanies to fedoras to top hats, and several bow ties (none of them pre-tied, thank Camus.) The shoes were also arranged by formality, going from Converse to polished dance shoes.  
Finally, he thought, something I could get behind. He went casual, choosing a plaid shirt, jeans, boots, and a plain black bow tie, but he grabbed a top hat to complete the ensemble.   
He walked over to examine himself in the mirror, taking the chance to really look at his new body for the first time. He studied the appearance of the stranger in the mirror with critical eyes, drinking it all in. He'd never given much thought to how he would look as a human before, why would he? But he supposed that this wasn’t entirely inaccurate, the blonde hair suited him, and the dimples weren't so bad either. He could do with less freckles, and the age was far lower than he would have liked. Bone structure was alright, not ideal, but workable. He didn't care for the skin tone, it was too pale, it made him look sickly, he wasn't crazy about the nose either, not to mention the eyes. He wondered if Venus have chosen this host for him because of the resemblance it held to her’s, as some sort of bizarre, half-baked attempt at familial likeness. He rolled his eyes, she’d have to try harder than that if she wanted to project the image of family.  
He grabbed the black cane that was propped up against the wall by the mirror and tucked it into his belt loops; it was time to explore.

Venus was currently bustling about the kitchen, trying to find where the movers had put her tea kettle, at her old houses it had always stayed out on the stove top. She had spent the last few hours either on her phone or going through her email, nearly everyone in her contacts had checked in to ask some ridiculous thing or another about the opening tomorrow; honestly sometimes she felt like she was the only competent person in this dimension, this plan had been set in motion a year ago, and in all that time there was hardly ever a problem, but now that they had less than twenty hours till launch everyone had decided to simultaneously drool their brains out through their eye sockets. Urrgh, she thought, tev xj F proolrkaba yv jlolkp!She really should be down there right now, but someone had to keep an eye on Billy. After all, this whole thing was because of him.  
She had heard him walking around different parts of the house every half hour or so. She wasn't worried, the only place he could get into any real trouble was the basement, and she had that locked up tight. She did wish that she’d had the time to go up with him to see his room, she had been looking forward to seeing his reaction to the tacky decorations she’d chosen.   
She had just put some water in the recently recovered kettle when the doorbell rang, making the sound of a shrieking woman rather than the regular bell. Ah, yes, time for her business meeting.  
She put the kettle on the stove and set it to boil before rushing out to the door.  
“Mavis, hi, it's so good to see you! Come in, I was just putting some tea on.” Venus said as she opened the door for a little old lady whose gray-green skin, wide mouth, large glassy eyes, and multiple warts were all reminiscent of a toad.  
“Oh,why thank you dear,” she said with a smile; she was holding a black binder in her slightly webbed hands. “It sure is good to see a friendly face, it's been real lonely without you these past few days. Do you have any tea, if you don't mind me asking?” Her voice was a hoarse and deep croak, which added to her amphibious appearance.Venus smiled, raising her voice to a slightly louder volume.  
“Of course, I just put some on.” She repeated sweetly. “Why don't you go set up in the living room and I'll bring you some.”  
“Alright dear, but be quick now, I’d hate to have to start without you.”The two laughed at the inside joke.  
Mavis had been Venus’ secretary as well as closest friend and confidant for the past seventy-five years .They’d met back when Mavis was just starting out as an intern and had become friends quickly. Venus had always had trouble admitting when she needed help, and back then Mavis was the only one to realize that she was struggling with her workload. At first Venus wasn't exactly thrilled when a newbie started to yell at her about taking breaks, but when they’d gotten to know each other she’d realized that it must have been bad for Mavis to have resorted to tough love, she really was very sweet. All this having happened so long ago, they were some of the only women working there at the time, so they stuck close together. Many things have changed since, but they’d both stayed together, though Mavis says she’s kept at it more for Venus’ sake than her own; but anytime Venus tried to tell her she didn't need to do all this she would respond “Please, you’d’ve worked yourself into the ground if I weren’t there to stop you.”  
Venus poured water into the cups and brought them out to the living room. This was their tradition, once a week they would get together for a cup of tea and to go over the schedule; although more often than not the business part of the afternoon dissolved into gossip between good friends.  
“Alright, what do we have on the agenda this week?”Venus asked as she settled into the chair next to Mavis.  
“Well plenty dear, big meeting first thing tomorrow to officially kick off the start at the new headquarters, then a few of the new investors were looking for some one-on-one time with you, I spread those out for you across the week…”  
The two continued to talk business for a long while, it wasn't until the sun had been down for a few hours that they were able to move to more personal topics.  
“And then you have lunch with the head of the psychic department to double check on how well we're managing next year's budget, the weekly board meeting on Friday, and after that it's business as usual. Anything I miss?” Venus smiled.  
“No, sounds good, but could you please do me a favor and see if we can make some of those lunch appointments more flexible? Nothing’s set yet, but I'm expecting someone to call and schedule an appointment to talk about Billy.”  
“Oh, who’d that be?” Mavis prompted.  
“His name is Stanford Pines,” Venus said.  
“Him? Do you think the Proprietors will be alright with that, considering-”   
“It's a personal matter, they wouldn’t have any grounds to object.” Mavis gave her a doubting look.  
“Well… If he does call, maybe don't put it down in the schedule.” Mavis nodded in agreement.  
“While we're on the topic how’ve things been going now that he's back?” She was well aware of the situation with Bill.  
“So far? Better than I'd expected, but I think that's at least partially because he's in shock. I mean, this is a lot to take in, it's going to be a big adjustment for both of us; I'm sure he'll be back to his old self in no time. Oh.” Venus made a face.  
“What?”  
“He'll be back to his old self in no time.” She said. “My life is about to become a collage of loud obnoxious gibberish, unconcealed powerplays, secrets, passive aggression, and assorted animal viscera.”  
“You make your brother sound like the guys from accounting.”  
“ Exactly, only more energetic; he's always been such a drama queen. Maybe I didn't think this through.”  
“It's not like you could have just left him dead, he's your twin.”  
“Who hates me, and who I hate more often than not. I just don't get it, we got along fine when we were young, I mean we did fight pretty often and stab each other in the back all the time, but we'd always cool down after a few decades apart… I just wish I knew what had set him off that day.”   
“Well it sounds like you've both got a lot of healing to do before this gets any easier, dear, these certainly aren’t conventional issues you're dealing with. You both just need to work through this in your own ways.”  
“I don't suppose there'll be any shortcuts for this one, huh?” Mavis shook her head.  
“No, not with family.”

Bill had spent the entire day looking through the house, finding nothing of particular interest. There was a den with more books and a bar (which had been locked), two bathrooms, a guest room, and Venus’ room. The locked door in the kitchen still nagged at him, but Venus had been in the front room all day so he hadn't gotten the chance to try his luck.   
He made his way back up to his room and busied himself with looking through the drawers of his nightstand. They were all empty except for the top two, the lower one held a few sets of pajamas, and the top one help number of pens and (he almost couldn't fathom it) a journal. He knew he didn't have room to talk, but his sister had a really twisted sense of humor. It was bound in black leather with a gold embroidered carving of his zodiac wheel on the cover; it matched his cuff. He figured that she had it custom made and placed it there as some sort of psychological power play. But he wasn't going to let her get the better of him that easily. He grabbed it out of the drawer along with one of the pens. It was clasped shut, but didn't seem to have a lock. After a moment of thought he held his wrist up to the cover, so the two symbols matched up. The journal clicked open, he smirked.  
DAY ONE, he wrote, I HAVE BEGUN DEALING WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF AN ILL ADVISED DECISION I MADE NEARLY A YEAR AGO. AS MUCH AS I’D LIKE TO SAY THAT KARMA WAS THE ONE GETTING LAZY I’M AFRAID THAT FAULT GOES TO MY SISTER, WHO LEFT ME DEAD ALL THAT TIME.YESTERDAY SHE TOLD ME THAT MY BIGGEST PROBLEM WAS MY WILLINGNESS TO SETTLE, I SUPPOSE THAT MEANS HERS IS PUNCTUALITY. THE HOUSE WE’RE STAYING IN IS COMPLETELY BORING; NO COLOR, NO ENTRAILS, NOTHING OF INTEREST! THERE WAS A LOCKED DOOR IN THE KITCHEN THAT I HAVE TO BREAK INTO. WHY DO I HAVE TO? BECAUSE SHE WOULDN’T HAVE LOCKED IT IF IT WAS SOMETHING SHE WANTED ME TO SEE, AND HER NOT WANTING ME TO SEE IT IS MORE THAN REASON ENOUGH FOR ME TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO SEE IT. HONESTLY, INANIMATE JOURNAL, IT’S LIKE YOU’VE NEVER HAD SIBLINGS BEFORE. ALTHOUGH, YOU DO SEEM TO BE CUSTOM MADE, SO I SUPPOSE YOU WOULDN’T HAVE THE INANIMATE JOURNAL EQUIVALENT OF SIBLINGS. MUST BE NICE. VENUS HAD A BUSINESS MEETING WITH SOME OLD LADY TODAY, I LISTENED IN FOR A WHILE, BUT IT WAS SO BORING. ON THE PLUS SIDE I FIGURED OUT WHAT MAKES HER LAW FIRM SO “UNIQUE.” IT ISN’T A LAW FIRM FOR FLESH-BAGS, THEY DEAL WITH DRAWING UP CONTRACTS FOR THE MORE DOMESTICATED SUPERNATURAL FREAKS, AND MY DARLING DEAREST SISTER IS OPENING AN HQ FOR THE PLACE HERE IN GRAVITY FALLS! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HOW THE TOWNSFOLK REACT TO HER CLIENTELE, HA!  
TOMORROW MARKS THE FIRST DAY OF MY UNNECESSARY AND UNAGREED TO JOB AT THAT DUMP COMMONLY KNOWN AS THE MYSTERY SHACK. I WASN’T HAPPY ABOUT BEING FORCED TO WORK THEIR AT FIRST, BUT AFTER I THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LITTLE I REALIZED THAT THIS COULD BE A SPLENDID OPPORTUNITY. SIXER’S PROBABLY STILL GOT A FEW USEFUL SECRETS LYING AROUND THERE AND THE NEW OWNER’S GONNA BE A SNAP TO MANIPULATE (WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS IT TO PUT QUESTION MARK IN CHARGE OF A BUSINESS, ANYWAY?)BESIDES, NOW I’VE GOT THE REST OF THE SUMMER TO THINK UP NEW AND CREATIVE WAYS TO TORTURE THE PINES FAMILY; ADMITTEDLY CAUSING THEM GRIEVOUS BODILY HARM MIGHT BE TRICKY WHILE I’M STUCK IN THIS FLIMSY NOODLE-ARMED SACK OF MEAT AND POOR EVOLUTIONARY DECISIONS, BUT I’VE NEVER BEEN ONE TO TURN DOWN A CHANCE TO TRY MY HAND AT SOME PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE. BOY I TELL YA THOSE GUYS FROM MY OLD VOODOO-ZUMBA CLASS DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT, THIS OPTIMISM THING IS REALLY WORKING FOR ME.  
UNTIL NEXT TIME: THE GOVERNMENT IS RUN BY LIZARDS, ALIEN INVASION IS IMMINENT, KNITTING NEEDLES ARE CHOKING HAZARDS, BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
-BILL CIPHER.  
He closed the journal and got ready to sleep. A part of him wondered if he should say goodnight to Venus, but he dismissed it as a pointless and empty sentimental gesture, and that just wasn’t their style. As he lay there staring at the night sky he found sleep elusive, despite his fatigued state. His mind kept drifting back to the events of the last few days, and forwards to the events of the next. His sister, the Pines family. and the ominous feeling the name Agrippa and Flamel instilled in him; these thoughts buzzed around his consciousness, swarming him with a hoard of uncertainties that throughout his life had been alien to him.  
He couldn’t help but wonder what would happen come Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PEB AFAK'Q YRV QEB GLROKXI.


	10. First Days

Dipper had barely gotten a moment of sleep last night. Ever the worrier, he had lay awake in his bed staring at the ceiling, unable to turn off his brain. Mabel, on the other hand, had been able to sleep just fine. In fact all day she had behaved as if everything was completely normal and they wouldn't be working alongside a murderous demon for the rest of the summer. She had woken up Sunday morning as chipper as ever and announced her full intentions to uphold the plans she had made and spend the day with Candy and Grenda. When she returned she had talked her brothers ear off about the trip; much of the girls' time had been used to help edit Candy's Ducktective fanfiction which she had written to keep the spirit of the show alive after it's finale had aired.   
"And she had this really cool idea where she was going to turn Ducktective into a human!"  
"Uh, isn't that a really broad interpretation of the show? I'm not sure that's what the writer's meant to say with that scene." Dipper interrupted Mabel's description.   
"Please, if they didn't want to leave it up for varied interpretation then they wouldn't have made it so open ended. Besides her idea makes perfect sense with the character she added."  
They continued to argue about the legitimacy of Candy's plot until they were told to shut their mouths and their eyes by Grunkle Stan.   
Dipper's heart hadn't been in his conversation with Mabel, but he had been grateful for the distraction. He was still trying to wrap his head around the task Grunkle Ford had given him; how was he supposed to stick close to Bill without causing suspicion? He had mentioned his predicament to his sister who, had been busy shoveling her Stan-cakes into her mouth and chugging her Mabel juice so that she wouldn't be late to the hang out with her friends. Dipper wasn't entirely sure what she had said through the mouthful of questionable food but it sounded something like:  
"'Ip, 'ou jusht 'ave 'o sheem symp'thebic. I mea', 'e 'eat 'im pitty bad, sho tell 'im that you didn't mean it personally."  
He only really got the last few words that came after she had finished chewing, so he's only about fifty-fifty on his interpretation, but he think she told him to be sympathetic, to let Bill know that what happened last summer was only a product of necessity. He appreciated her advice but he could see that it was faulty. Bill would see sympathy as pity and take it as an insult, which would be counterproductive, so Dipper had tried his luck asking Ford for advice.   
"Dipper, the thing about Bill is that he's incredibly narcissistic. You just need to feed his ego and some subtle way to make him think that he's got the upper hand."  
He wasn't sure about that either, Bill was vain, but he wasn't stupid, any attempt Dipper made at flattery would set off a red flag. At that point he had resolved to figure it out himself, but Stan had other ideas.   
"Nononono, you're thinking about this all wrong, I made the same mistake in prison. You're trying to get close to him by making nice, but you do that and he'll either see right through ya, or walk all over ya, what you gotta do is let old one eye come to you."  
"…Okay, how do I do that?"  
"Kid ya know how they always tell ya not to react to bullies 'cause it only encourage 'em?" Dipper nodded. "Well just think of him as a bully ignore him and he'll move on, but if you respond to whatever crazy things he does he'll start to seek you out because he knows he can get to you, or he thinks he can."  
Everyone stared at him open mouth and wide eyed.   
"Grunkle Stan… you're an evil genius." Said Mabel.   
"Haha, you say it like you're surprised, I'm wounded!"  
So would least he had a plan in place, but there were still so many things left to be accounted for. His brain was growing more and more numb as every minute ticked by. He remembered what Grunkle Ford had said when he gave him the journal. Something along the lines of writing out your thoughts, seeing them on paper, being therapeutic. What's the harm? He thought as he grabbed his journal off of the desk and opened it. They had fitted the cover with a white pine tree earlier that day. He clicked on his reading light and begin to write.   
Entry 1  
There are approximately five hours to go until the shack opens and Bill arrives for his first day of work. Grunkle Ford seems confident that the charms and potions we put in place will be enough to protect us from whatever damage he's still capable of causing, but I'm pretty on edge; we don't even know the extent of what he can do.   
Grunkle Stan said that the best way for me to stick close to Bill this summer is making it seem like I'm letting whatever crazy things he says or does get to me. I suppose it's a good plan but making myself seem vulnerable in front of that monster just feels like I'm inviting trouble or something.   
I don't know what I'm afraid of, I've faced Bill at his most powerful and survived; but I could barely breathe when I saw him Saturday. Ford seemed to be more concerned about his sister, and for good reason, anyone who can scare Bill Cipher into submission the way she did has got to be someone you think twice about messing with. That being said, I think a big part of the reason Ford is so wary of her is because we know nothing about her; he's made the mistake of trusting someone to quickly once, and I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a situation where he would do it again.   
There are just so many questions that still need answers; part of me finds it frustrating that after all this time I've barely scratched the surface of this town's mysteries, but another part finds it exciting, comforting, familiar. I'm glad to finally be working with some questions that I have a chance at answering again.   
Mabel's up to something, speaking of unanswerable questions, I'm just not sure what yet. She's been acting strange since we got here, at first I thought that she had just started eating raw sugar again, but then she started being all weird with Wendy so I figured something was up. Wendy must be in on whatever it is, because she kept giving me weird looks on the drive home from the mall. I'm sure it's just more of her weird summer romance obsession, but then why isn't she telling me about it? I'm usually the first one to hear about it when she goes all boy crazy, probably because I'm pretty much a captive audience. Oh well, I'm sure I'll see whatever she's doing soon enough. She's never been the best secret keeper, she always gets too excited about whatever surprise she's trying to hide and spills the beans too early. 

He wrote more, but not much of particular interest, a bit about wondering how Soos was adjusting to his managerial authority, a drabble about his anticipation to work with Ford over the summer, and a brief comment on the loudness of his sister's snores. Ford was right writing out your socks was therapeutic, by the time Dipper signed his name to the page his eyelids were beginning to droop. Unfortunately he signed the page around five in the morning and got barely an hour and a half of sleep before his sister's excited morning yelps woke him.  
He fruitlessly attempted to rub the sleep from his eyes as the family gathered in the living room. There was an anxious anticipation in the air, a quiet unease blanketing them all.   
Wendy had come in to work a little early, figuring that she should be there if things went full crisis mode.   
Ford double and triple checked that everyone had their amulets and had drunk their potions. The clock seem to be moving to fast, there was fourteen minutes till they would arrive and the tension was tangible.   
"Is everyone ready?" Ford asked at eight minutes, they all answered in affirmation. "Good, just… don't let him get to you."   
"What is even going to do in the shack, anyways?" Mabel asked.   
"Well we're going to need all hands on deck in the gift shop for the first day of Pines Fest." Said Soos.   
"Uh, Pines Fest?" Asked Dipper.   
"Oh yeah, dude, I forgot to tell you guys about it with the demon-y confusion and what not. It's your welcome back party! A weeklong extravaganza of nonstop fun at the Mystery Shack to celebrate your return to Gravity Falls!" Said Soos.   
"It's going to be, like, a big deal, the whole towns pumped for it." Said Wendy.   
"Aw, Soos, you did that for us?" Asked Mabel.   
"Totally, dude, you guys are, like, family."  
Dipper and Mabel smiled at him while Stan and Ford pretended they weren't emotionally affected.   
"Anyways, today it the first day: the sale, so we got to be prepared for some crazy shoppers, dudes."  
"A sale! Are you crazy?" Said Stan. "That goes against everything that this institution was founded on. How much are you marking down the prices?"  
"I'm not, Mr. Pines, I'm raising them and then advertising the original price is 75% off, ha ha."  
"… Soos," Stan said, reaching out to put a hand on his former handyman's shoulder. "I have never been more proud of you than I am right now."  
"All right, so Bill, Dipper, and Mabel will all be in the gift shop with Wendy working register, Soos and Stan will run double tours, I'll direct customers and pop in and out where I'm needed and Ford will be the handyman, sound good?" Said Melody.   
"I, uh," stuttered Ford.   
"Great! We got about two minutes, let's move out!"  
They all moved into the gift shop, Ford's face freezing into a look of perplexed when Melody shoved a toolbox into his hands.   
Moments later they heard a car pulling up in front of the shack followed by the sound of approaching footsteps. The door opened up revealing the Cipher twins. Venus was wearing an outfit similar to the one she had worn two days earlier; suit jacket, skirt, blouse, and heels. Bill, on the other hand… was looking remarkably like his old self. He was wearing a pair of yellow converse and black slacks along with a white dress shirt with its sleeves rolled up,a yellow sweater vest, a checkered bowtie, and a top hat. Dipper noticed that he had a cane hanging from one of his belt loops and almost laughed; this was the guy he was so worked up about? He'll be fine.   
"Oh good, you're all here." Said Venus. "Sorry I can't stay long, but I've got a lot of things to take care of today."  
Dipper tore his eyes from Bill to look at his sister, she had bags under her eyes and was carrying a steaming cup of coffee in one hand while running the other through her knotted and unwashed hair. He was surprised, but didn't judge on her messy look, if only because he was sure he didn't look much better.   
"I'll just leave you with these," She dug around in her pocket again with her freehand, knocking out another moving finger (which scurried off in search of its friend) as she did so, before emerging with a few different business cards and handing them to Ford.   
"Well, must be off, I'll be back to get him at 6:30, 6:45 at the latest," She turned to Bill and paused as if thinking of what to say. "Behave." She told him, he displayed a falsely innocent face in response, to which she replied with an unamused grunt. She walked back to the door calling out "Nice toolbox, by the way." to Ford before she shut it.   
"Well, hello Pines family," said Bill, his signature menacing grin placed on his lips. "How are we this fine morning?"  
Melody spoke up before anyone else got the chance.   
"Yeah, as excited as we all are to hear your scary demon speech, we don't have the time right now, we've been advertising the sale for a month and that weird news guys been camping outside since we announced. The store opens in about twenty minutes and I can already hear people lining up, now let's move! Bill, you're in the gift shop with the twins and Wendy, everyone else you know where you need to be so go go go, get this place ready!" Bill blink at her commanding tone.   
"Wha-Who are you?" He asked, perplexed.   
"I'm the lady who will send you airborne if you don't get a move on, now make this place look presentable!"  
Bills mouth opened in shock at being spoken to like that, but Melody was already on the move and didn't see it.   
"Where's my handyman? There is a loose wire on one of the attractions that needs fixing, follow me,". Send Melody before striding into the museum. Ford briefly considered hiding, but decided it wouldn't be in his best interest. Stan and Soos, both dressed as Mr. mystery, followed to prepare for the tours.   
Dipper and Mabel shot Wendy a questioning look.   
"She tends to get a little worked up before opening on big events." She explained. "She'll probably mellow out again when the store opens up, but in the meantime I'd get to work before she kills you."  
They raced for the broom closet to grab some cleaning supplies and set to work on sweeping and dusting and polishing and remove the blood smears.   
When he was finishing up with repainting the fake gold nuggets Dipper noticed that Bill was struggling with learning how to operate a spray bottle.   
He walked over and tapped Bill on the shoulder and the ex-demon and spun around with the look that at best could be interpreted as irritable and at worst as blood thirsty.   
"What?" He spat, clearly in a mood after Melody had snapped at him. Dipper gaped like a fish for a moment before twisting the nozzle on the spray bottle to the 'on' setting. Bill gave Dipper a glare that said "Leave in the next five seconds or I'll spray this in your eyes." He probably should have listened to the glare.   
"So… your sister seems nice." Bill's expression would have been almost dumbfounded if it wasn't so full of rage, and weren't his eyes rimmed in gold a minute ago? Why were they glowing red?   
"I'd incinerate you if I still could."   
Apparently that was the end of their conversation, because Bill turned back to the thing he was trying to speak earlier and ignored Dipper until he walked away.   
What was the kid trying to do, anyways? Was he deliberately attempting to tick him off or was he genuinely trying to engage in small talk with him. Bill was a little rusty when it came to appropriate human interaction (oh who was he kidding, he'd never bothered to learn) but he was pretty sure that exchanging pleasantries with someone who's tried to kill you multiple times and nearly caused the apocalypse doesn't fall within the scope of it. On the other hand, Pinetree never seemed to be the kick 'em while they're down type, true he had a bit of a mean streak when it came to his enemies, but that was only ever in an attempt to knock them down a peg or e, and Bill had no more pegs left to be knocked off of. Did he want something from Bill and just seriously misinterpret his relationship with his sister? Or was he simply unsure of how to deal with this situation and was only trying to fill an awkward silence? It was probably that last one, but Bill hated that he didn't know for sure, hated the fact that reading people used to be a snap for him, but now without his powers he had lost that talent. If he couldn't understand Pinetree, who practically had his thirst for knowledge and craving for approval on display, then how was he supposed to deal with more enigmatic people like I.Q. or his sister? This human thing was going to be harder than he thought; it was like he was starting from the bottom, not even, it was like he was placed at the bottom, given a shovel, forced to dig for a time equal to the extent of his existence up to that point, and was told to dig two more feet before he reached the point he was at now.   
While Bill was working his way through his inner monologue, Dipper was having one of his own. He was ecstatic, the eye changing showed that Bill still had some residual demon energy left and he had said himself that he could no longer incinerate people. The plan had just started and he was already determining the extent of Bill's powers.   
He was just on his way to tell Ford about this development when Melody came bursting into the room followed by Ford whose expression was somewhat bemused. He appeared to have a screwdriver stuck in his hair.   
"Twenty minutes are up, people, it's 7:30 and the Mystery Shack is opening!" She said. "Let's get this Pines Fest started!"

Venus frantically pressed the button on the elevator, as if it would go faster if it knew how late she was; nearly a minute, this was so unlike her, her head's just not been in it the last few days. The door pinged and opened up to her office floor. Mavis was already there at the front desk, looking at her watch.   
"I know, I'm late, I'm sorry." She said quickly.   
"Is everything alright, dear, you look-"  
"Awful, I know, I had to stay up late last night finishing up some odds and ends, what do I have first?" She asked before chugging down her coffee.   
"Bored meeting; fourth floor, down the left hallway, last door on the right."   
"Got it, thanks, any calls?"   
"Just a few clients trying to schedule last minute appointments, nothing from you know who, though."  
"No, I imagine Voldemort has a hard time getting around to calling anyone these days."   
"What?"   
"Nothing, thank you, Mavis, keep me posted."  
She rushed back out to the elevator, tossing her empty coffee cup on the way. She made a mental not to have the elevators fixed to go faster as she reached the fourth floor and raced down the hall. This was a disaster, she was usually first at these meetings, now she'll probably be third.   
She took a deep breath to collect herself before pushing the door open; because if there was one thing she knew about the bored it was to never show weakness or fear. These people were ruthless savages who would simile at you with their hands wrapped around your throat and watch you choke out our final breath. That was not a metaphor, more than one of them have tried doing that to her. She had succeeded in doing that to more than one of them. She took another deep breath through her nose and pushed the door open; today was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MFKBP CBPQ: QTBKQVPFUQBBK


End file.
